Made an accoucement on behalf of the Bishan Zone rep in CTK earlier. Was feeling nervous and getting tense when the church sect says we should have informed earlier about the change of name and was getting even more panicky.
Finally manage to resolved it by finding the alter server and then make the change on the file. But in the mist of all these, I received a sms from Mandy. She asked if we are coming for mass today or tml. I replied, I'm already in church. Then she went on to ask if Emma is with us or not and if she can can join us for mass. Then I blew it, I replied back, Emma is on Santa Cruise and if she wants to come, she can just come for mass, not need to ask me!
I guess, this was uncalled for. I do not need to blow my top at her. Knowing her as her, she will be like this. But the thing is, I've already told her many many times, if she wanna join us for mass, then just come, no need to ask "can join" or not. It's not as though I own God's house mah!
And she really irked me when she asked such questions. How do I answer it?!
If it's not bad enough loosing my temper once, it is loosing it again! This time, it was hubby who got it from me. Coz of the little chair that keeps blocking my way, I threw it into the kitchen and then threw it down the rubbish chute within mintues.
Then it reminded me of when I actually flung my youngest sister's bag across the room when she was probably in Pri 1 or 3 coz she took the wrong book out despite me telling her many time one after the other it's another book. The horror and shock on her face still remains fresh in my mind now. Of course, my dad was quick to reprimand me then. But now that I have already grown up he cannot be here to see and to punish me. Yet, when I did the same thing, I see the same kind of reaction on hubby's face.
I feel so ashamed of myself. I've done it once when I was a kid and now that I am a grown up, I did it again?! Don't I know how to control my temper? My actions?
Hubby was of course visibly upset. But, after throwing away the chair, I don't feel any much better. In fact, I feel worse! I know that the chair will no longer be there to cause hubby and me to have tiffs. But it's the actions of myself that I am holding on now.
Hubby may have forgiven me but this thing is still eating me. I am still feeling guilty and bad and horrible. It's like I cannot recongise myself in that few minutes. I have let my anger taken control over me and for that split second, I almost turned violent and wanted to take it out physically on hubby.
I think I need help and I really really need to learn to control my temper, my anger and my actions.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Friday, September 15, 2006
Lector of sorts
Ever since I failed the audition for Lector last year, I believe that I will never be reading or saying anything to the congreation during mass time.
But I was wrong. Mark called me a few days ago and asked me to make the annoucement for GRAINS during this Sat mass. I was abit surprised but was happy to do so, especially since the script was already prepared, all I need to do was read. Sounded simple. And I still like to do this kinda thing. Maybe, I am too show off for my own good.
Looked thru the document, there isn't any difficult word. Can relatively read thru it easily. So I think should be ok la.
Mark also left instructions that I got to go to the parish sect or the priest doing the mass to let either of them know that the person making the annoucement has been changed. Sounds easy enough then.
Will do some practise and see what I can do.
But I was wrong. Mark called me a few days ago and asked me to make the annoucement for GRAINS during this Sat mass. I was abit surprised but was happy to do so, especially since the script was already prepared, all I need to do was read. Sounded simple. And I still like to do this kinda thing. Maybe, I am too show off for my own good.
Looked thru the document, there isn't any difficult word. Can relatively read thru it easily. So I think should be ok la.
Mark also left instructions that I got to go to the parish sect or the priest doing the mass to let either of them know that the person making the annoucement has been changed. Sounds easy enough then.
Will do some practise and see what I can do.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
monthly dosage of faith
This evening, after work, I will be meeting hubby for dinner and then go for On-Going-Faith-Formation (OGF) organised by the priest. Digress about the priest, I heard he's gng for a 2 month study leave soon.. will miss him very much. He's really nice and he bothers to set up this faith formation class for us despite his busy schedule. He baptised hubby and me, married us, and also takes the time to speak to each of us when he sees us. Quite difficult to get a priest like tat coz, out of the thousands who go for mass, who many can the priest really know and have the time for?
This OGF is once a month. Every first Tues of the month. The last time, we touched on medals, this time, don't know what Fr Yim is gng to touch on.
I was thinking, there are a couple of things that I do once a month, like going for my facial, my good friend visiting, receiving pay, clearing of bills etc etc. But on doing all these, does it make me happy. Well, of course I must say the pampering sessions at the facial salon does works it's magic. But after that? What's the use of it? It's making me pretty from the outside. But inside?
I still feel a void at times. A void that nothing can fill up. Only the Lord can fill up. The OGF helps me to recongise that, helps me to know that my faith is at a pathetic low level. My knowledge of the catholic faith is also super little.
There's so many things to learn, I need to grow in my faith, in my spirtual level and most important of all, I need to be able to recongnise that tiny call from God when he calls!
This OGF is once a month. Every first Tues of the month. The last time, we touched on medals, this time, don't know what Fr Yim is gng to touch on.
I was thinking, there are a couple of things that I do once a month, like going for my facial, my good friend visiting, receiving pay, clearing of bills etc etc. But on doing all these, does it make me happy. Well, of course I must say the pampering sessions at the facial salon does works it's magic. But after that? What's the use of it? It's making me pretty from the outside. But inside?
I still feel a void at times. A void that nothing can fill up. Only the Lord can fill up. The OGF helps me to recongise that, helps me to know that my faith is at a pathetic low level. My knowledge of the catholic faith is also super little.
There's so many things to learn, I need to grow in my faith, in my spirtual level and most important of all, I need to be able to recongnise that tiny call from God when he calls!
Friday, September 01, 2006
包容
Not exactally today's readings or anything to do with the faith. But I thought I want to express somethings here.
This was actually Godma's msn nick - 包容 is a grace. A grace is something like a blessing that we pray to have. I am not really praying for this. Rather, I am praying more for my family members to be blessed with the gift of faith, blessed marriage, carrer, health etc etc.
But these few days, the actions of OBIL has irked me so much, that I kept harping on it. Not that he did something darn horrible and like killed my family or something. But more like, he said something that at the moment, I can't let go and yep, HARPING on it.
It is me, myself. Not anyone else. Just like I have a certain bias-ness against a certain race so I condemn all the others who are in the same race.
Just coz of those words that OBIL said, I am upset over it. I know it's wrong, it's very wrong, he is part of my family now, and it is in our teaching and faith that we have to be loving and forgiving to one another.
God saves and forgives. I am NOT God, but I am called to be like him. I have to learn to let go and to forgive him.
To be honest, it took me a long time before I can be what I am today. I used to be even harsher on hubby than now. I used to kick up a big fuss every so often. But after being a christian, I am not perfect, but I hope I have learnt/still learning to control my temper and tongue (which is also another thing that I pray for all the time.)
Godma tells me, just don't step on OBIL toes, let him be, don't do anything that may irriate him further and above all, 包容 him.
Dear Lord,
I never realised that he is a man to speak harshly. Help me to be a good christian and to learn to 包容 OBIL.
Amen!
On another note, channel 8 is showing this show, 大男人，小男人 at 9pm on weekdays. There's this charachter, Root, who is trapped between his own mother and his new wife. Both women cannot tolerate each other and hence all the bickering and things.
I asked hubby if there comes a day where he have choose between his mom and me, who will he choose, he said most likely me. =) And I promoised him that, I will try my very best to not put him in this kinda position. And again, I think, it takes lots and lots of 包容 from both ma and me to not lend hubby in this position?
*sigh*
Not really a 'faith' post. But I feel, 包容 is also a gift and grace from God hence it's here. Not to mention, I am kind of like a spirtual down spiral now. I mean, I still go to church for mass, I still believe in God, but besides that, nothing. Absoultely NOTHING.
This was actually Godma's msn nick - 包容 is a grace. A grace is something like a blessing that we pray to have. I am not really praying for this. Rather, I am praying more for my family members to be blessed with the gift of faith, blessed marriage, carrer, health etc etc.
But these few days, the actions of OBIL has irked me so much, that I kept harping on it. Not that he did something darn horrible and like killed my family or something. But more like, he said something that at the moment, I can't let go and yep, HARPING on it.
It is me, myself. Not anyone else. Just like I have a certain bias-ness against a certain race so I condemn all the others who are in the same race.
Just coz of those words that OBIL said, I am upset over it. I know it's wrong, it's very wrong, he is part of my family now, and it is in our teaching and faith that we have to be loving and forgiving to one another.
God saves and forgives. I am NOT God, but I am called to be like him. I have to learn to let go and to forgive him.
To be honest, it took me a long time before I can be what I am today. I used to be even harsher on hubby than now. I used to kick up a big fuss every so often. But after being a christian, I am not perfect, but I hope I have learnt/still learning to control my temper and tongue (which is also another thing that I pray for all the time.)
Godma tells me, just don't step on OBIL toes, let him be, don't do anything that may irriate him further and above all, 包容 him.
Dear Lord,
I never realised that he is a man to speak harshly. Help me to be a good christian and to learn to 包容 OBIL.
Amen!
On another note, channel 8 is showing this show, 大男人，小男人 at 9pm on weekdays. There's this charachter, Root, who is trapped between his own mother and his new wife. Both women cannot tolerate each other and hence all the bickering and things.
I asked hubby if there comes a day where he have choose between his mom and me, who will he choose, he said most likely me. =) And I promoised him that, I will try my very best to not put him in this kinda position. And again, I think, it takes lots and lots of 包容 from both ma and me to not lend hubby in this position?
*sigh*
Not really a 'faith' post. But I feel, 包容 is also a gift and grace from God hence it's here. Not to mention, I am kind of like a spirtual down spiral now. I mean, I still go to church for mass, I still believe in God, but besides that, nothing. Absoultely NOTHING.
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