Prayer for the family

Have been praying the Family Prayer recently on a more regular basis.

I've been praying that my re-ship with my BIL's will improve and that my sis will be able to have a more opened re-ship with the re-ship with the rest of the family members.

Then yesterday, hubby came with his bro to campus for lunch. So Irene and I joined them at the FJ. With my bias opinions of him, I have no idea why I actually agree to lunch with them. Probably coz I wanna see hubby? I don't know.

I was also preparing myself to not let my feelings show when I see him later. But! Surprisingly, after we met up, I was calm & did not feel any of the negativitiy that I would have previously felt. THAT was an improvement for me at least. And I thought, wow, that prayer really does help and work some sort of miracles into my life!

This morning, hubby told me that OBIL & his gf will also be going to SITEX tomorrow. We had planned to go after our dental appointment in the afternoon. I was mentally prepared that OBIL will be going with or without his gf, after all SITEX is still more of a "guys' thing". What I was not prepared was that hubby went on to say that they will be going after they went down to HDB to take a look at their showflats.

*Gasp!*

THIS, I was really not prepared. It doesn't seem so long ago that he broke up... but now he is planning for his home with this current gf? But come to think of it, it has already been 2 years since they broke up, just that mentally, I was not prepared that he and this current gf is gng to end up as husband and wife.

Was feeling low and despondent with this new piece of news. But as I was chatting with Wise on MSN. She said something to me that made me realise I am being my old doubtful self and not trusting in the Lord, God again. Someone who seems to want to hold the world on my own 2 shoulders and just not letting go and kept thinking and thinking of the same situation over and over again.

She said, we don't know what is God's plan for us. Maybe I can be a better person from their early union? Maybe the ex and him are wrong for each other hence the separation.

Yar... She's right. I don't know what is God's plan for us or why it happened the way it happened. But as long as my faith is in God that he only does the best for each of us then things will work out well.

And since when does God have to seek my opinions on what I am willing to agree or not agree on matters not concerning myself? This I questioned myself. Yah. Very true. God, being the creator of me, does not need me to tell him what to do. In fact, it's the other way round. HE telling me what to do! I think, I'm getting too full of myself. Trying to get the divine being to think like me.

These few days, Wise has been telling me, got to learn to live with OBIL. Got to have a big heart and learn to do it. She sounds so much more christian than I am and she's not one. Gosh.. feeling ashamed of myself too.

I'm not sure I can do it... but I will continue to pray that Family Prayer and have faith and believe in God, sooner or later, then I think I will be able to do it.

All things are possible with God.

Thank you Lord.

It's proven to me once again, that God will never never forsake us and when we pray and ask God for guidance, he will be there.

For the last few weeks, I have been searching for a tablet or notebook for my course commencing in Jan 07. Prayed about it. I don't need a super duper powerful machine. But I need something lightweight, portable & costs me under $2K.

Was thinking of going to SITEX this weekend to check out the machines and would you believe it?

I got my machine already!! Even before going to SITEX. And best of all, it meets ALL my requirements.

Costs me only $1.4K with a good after sales and maintence guy that sort of comes with it.

SO, I say, "Seek and you shall find. Ask and it shall be given. Knock, and the door will be opened onto you."

3rd Night of Triduum – God rejoices where 2 or 3 are gathered.

Finally came to the last night of Triduum mass. Tomorrow will be the feast day of Christ, the King, which also happens to be the name of my parish church. But in actual fact, the celebration is for Christ, who is THE King.

Speaker for the 3^rd night is Fr. Colin and gospel reading was from Luke 15-20. Fr. Colin talked about “MISS”.

M – Mission

I – Identity

S – Salvation

S – Serve

As catholics, what is our mission? Our roles does not end by just being a child of God, in fact our work starts from after being baptized! It’s not enough that we are saved. We have to ensure that the rest of our family members are saved too.

Identity. What’s our identity? We are not just someone’s wife, daughter, sister, mother... We are more than that. We carry the name of Christ with us. If we behaved badly, we are going to invite the “You call yourself a catholic?!” from others. Above all else, we have to remember that we belong to God.

Salvation. By believing in God, we believe that we have eternal salvation. Christ has died for us, triump over evil and for that, we are saved from damnation.

Serve. Being a christian, or rather catholic is not just simply going for mass weekly. It's also about serving in the name of God. To serve the people of God.

Father Colin was not a very engaging speaker. Hence I can only remember so much... =P And coz hubby went to KL today, I was alone, I received the "where's ur hubby?" tones of times. -_-"

2nd Triduum Night - Lifeline to God

Yesterday was the 2nd night of the Triduum mass by Mgr Eugene Vaz. A little background of Mgr Eugene Vaz, he is the "assistant archbishop" except that his title is Vicar General and both he and his brother, Mgr Ambross Vaz are both God's chosen people, Priests. I think it's not easy to be a priest and yet, in his family both him and his brother are priests! The parents must really have done a very good job of teaching them when they were boys.

His homily was on "Lifeline to God" simply put - Prayer. This equals to how do we communicate with God. Mgr Vaz pointed out, the more we spend time in prayer, the more we will be influenced by God, the more we can be Christ like.

As in the Gospel reading. Luke 18:1-8. The necessity to pray always without becoming weary.
When we pray, be sure that God hears it, but we need to recongise the fact that what we pray for may not be what God has in mind for us. Yet, be sure that God hears us.

We were each given a prayer for the family in a little card.
Prayer for the Family
O God, our Lord and King, we thank you for each and every member of our family. We believe that each one of us is your special gift to us. We ask you to forgive us for those times we fail to love and care for one another.

Gracious King, we surrender to you all our needs, problems and heartahces. We implore you to set aright whatever is wrong within our family.

Lord and King, surroud each of us with your angels and saints. Protect us from all evil. Send forth your Holy Spirit upon us to increase our faith and trust in you. May the peace of your Holy Spirit flow into our home and remain with us now and forever more.
Amen.

Isn't it beautiful?

As I settled down into bed last nite, I kept thinking of my 2 BILs. Yeah, they are insenstitive but as a catholic should that be the way I behave towards them? After listening to the homily yesterday, and now after reciting the Family Prayer, I do feel ashamed of myself. Gosh...

P.s I saw my face with hubby being shows during the video show... Erika and Emma got so excited that they both let out squeals of excitment, I was embrassed. I think tonite may have one more pic. One taken with Godma and myself.

1st Triduum Night - Call to Share

Last night was the first Triduum Night that we had in CTK for this year. The theme for this year is "A community in Prayer."

Brother Mike was the 1st speaker, he's a teacher in SJI. I was quite surprised to see him. The last time we met him was for our MPC in Oct 2005 I think. As what I remembered him to be, he is sitll as jovial and still gives good sermons!

The gospel reading was on from John. Jesus went up the hill and with 5 loafs of bread and 2 fish, feed the whole community of more than 5000.

Brother Mike then broke the story into smaller, chewable bits for us. He told us, most of us would have had read or heard of this passage before, yet, what do we get from the passage? It's not so simple as just Jesus feeding the 5ooo people with the food, or the magnifestication. But beyond that, what do we see? What do we understand?

First, Bro Mike says, we must first understand that when Jesus went up the hill, it is symbolic. Symbolises that he is someone with authority and power. A teacher going up the hill to teach. To teach the community of people BEFORE the pass over meal.

He then went on with the word "community." What forms a commnity? Families. A family is the basis of any community. And often, family has it's fair share of pain. Imagine the pain of the caring for the sick and elderly alone, imagine the pain of children who disobeys, the pain of silbings arguements etc etc etc.

I was kind of expecting him to mention the arguments and disagreements between husbands and wives but strangly, he did not.

Bottom line for a family to stay and remain together is "Sacrifice." The members got to learn to sacrifice themselves for each other. Parents forgive their children time and again. Silbings got to learn to give way to each other to compromise to keep the peace and harmony going in the family.

But, Bro Mike got me thinking. Not so much as my own family but rather my re-ship wif my family in law. I have no problems with my PIL only with my BIL. I know as a catholic it's not right to hold a grudge against them. It's also not my position to judge them. Yes, they are insenstitive to us or rather more towards me, but when I complain and bitch about them. Am I giving glory to God? I don't think I am. In fact, I am being a disgrace to God.

Here I am, saying all sorts of teachings and verses and even dare to call myself a catholic and yet, when I got to deal with my BIL, I bitch non stop about him/them.

True, that most of the things is that they irriated me first. But does that give me the privillege to bitch about them? If I had chosen to let it pass over me, would I have been happier? Would hubby have been happier? I think so. I think we will all be happier. But if I allow this to happen once too often, then won't I be letting them climb over our heads?

I don't know. I'm not sure what is the balance here. I'm sure there is a balance somewhere. Just like a kid who does not want to go to school, as the parents, it is the parents' responsbility to teach the kid and even force him to go to school, isn't it?

Dear Lord, you know it's not easy to sacrifice oneself for another as it was not in our nature to do so. But yet, you willingly sacrifice your only son, Jesus for us. Please help me to remember this always especially when I have to deal with BILs. Teach me to be more Christ like. He did not die just for the just and rightous, Christ died for all. Help me then, Lord. Help me to remember this always and no matter what, help me to remember that Christ died for us all and help me to control my temper and tongue that I will not bring disgrace to you. Instead, let me and teach me to bring glory to you in my actions and speech.
Amen.

P.s Bro Mike's homily was quite long but I don't really feel it. Towards the end, there was a photo montash of some family photos of our parishoners. Din see ourselves in it. Maybe tonite or tomorrow night.

Dream

I've just had the most scarly dream I ever had had in my entire 26 years of living on mother earth! And the best part? I dreamt a "Part 1" and "Part 2" dream. -_-"

It all happened yesterday evening. I was down with a slight flu and hence pop a tablet within 30 mins, I can feel my eyes closing on me and I decided to snooze for a while to let the med wear off before working and I dreamt my Part 1 of the horrible dream.

I dreamt that I was given warning from my manager in front of all the directors and big shots at work for turning up late, taking more MC than necessary and for taking long lunches. I was not given a chance to speak hence just kept quiet. Before I knew it, I woke up. Since it was just a dream, I forgot about it.

But early this morning, just before I was supposed to wake up to do yoga. I had another dream similiar to this. But this was much much worse. I dreamt that I was sacked from work! *horrors* My boss was screaming at me for not doing my work and I can hear, see and feel myself in the dream. I can feel mysely sms-ing to my boss to ask him for help. That I really need my job and all. It was sooo real.

The horrible part about this dream was that it was so real, I woke up when my alarm rang and I was still on the bed, I find myself doupting if I had really been sacked yesterday and was thus re-playing the scene in my head! It took awhile for me to just separate the dream from the reality!

Since I cannot sleep anymore, I got out of bed and attempted to do some yoga. I cannot even concentrate on it. It was much later till I've done my alternate nostrils breathing that my brain was calm enough to tell me, no, I was not sacked yesterday, neither will I be sacked today. What I had seen was just a bad dream. My co is going to send me for further education, why should they sacked me now. It WAS a dream.

Slowly, my brain and heart were on the same track.

Since, it was still early and after such a disturbing dream, where else can I turn to but God, I sat in front of the altar and started praying ernestly. Calm came over me but still I have had no answer to that horrible dream.

As I sit here to reflect on it, I think it could be my subsonscious coming up to hunt me with all my misdeavours or was it coz that hubby has recently ended his contract and I am worried sick? I'm not sure yet.

But I guess 1 thing is certain, God seem to have shown me if I continue with my misbehaviours, the consequences are there. It's up to me to pick which route I'm gonna end up in.

Email

I haven't been keeping in touch with my ex mentor for a long time. Finally last week, I decided to drop her an email.

And to my surprise, I received her reply today. I did not mention anything about hubby's contract, just the usual updates and well wishes.. but somehow, God knows I need consolation and some pushes that HE is there for me... I got this from her as part of the reply, which I have reproduced in it's entirity.. "Don't forget to pray to St Joseph, the foster father of Jesus: to be sure he is very POWERFUL. Jesus listens to him attentively. Nothing is impossible with St Joseph. Start now and say something personal to him tell him your difficulties. Mother Mary tells us that after we have received Communion "Don't be afraid to ask. Ask much..from HIM"

How apt for this email to come in and mention Saint Joseph out of the hundreds of saints. I know, St Joseph is Jesus's foster father, the husband of Mother Mary. The guardian saint for carpenters and workers and I thought I read somewhere, the guardian saint for husbands too?!

Guardian saint of workers? That's what hubby need now, earthy husband to Mary, hubby is my husband on earth. I don't normally pray to the various saints... coz, there's soooo many of them, who do I begin from? I normally pray to God as I was taught but I began to pray to St Joseph there and then.

God doesn't let me down. First he assured me that, he's here with me. Then he sent me help. Not just any help but a divine being's help.

Thank you God. You truly are wonderful!

The Lord is my Shepherd.

Hubby's contract has ended this week and I was feeling low. Very low.

Was worried about him, his job, our finances, will it cause a strain in our marriage, his course amongst other things.

I was praying, telling God my fears and my concerns. Above all, what really frightens me most is my quick temper and tongue. I'm deeply frightened that I cannot be the supportive wife to hubby. I'm afraid that I will give him undue pressure and this will hurt our marriage.

God must have known my distress and suddenly, I heard the choir struck up this hymn.. "The Lord is my Shepherd." I've heard this many times, but today, the words take on a different meaning.

I can literally hear God telling me thru the hymn, "Do not be afraid, I am with you. Even if you walk thru the dark valleys, have no fear, I am with you."

At this point in time, tears of joy and relief fell. I know that God is with me. I know that he will see us both thru this.

He is with me, I shall have no fear.